My heart full of love.
Love to give to another heart.
Before I even show you who I am
you doom me.
Your determination
shatter my trust.
Trust for our hearts to meet.
My outreached hand in the air,
no one to hold.
My words evaporate,
I speak in vain.
My appearance gone unnoticed.
I write, I speak and I feel.
All for you.
All for nothing.
I am doomed.
By you.

The Illness

My ear resting in midair above your mouth.
Puffs of air against my earlobe soothe me.
You are still here.
My hand on your cheek.
Skin to skin to give strength.
Can you sense me?
You open your eyes.
I look in to your tormented gaze,
swimming in your pain.
I know only one thing.
To be by your side,
never to let go.
With every needle,
with every foreign fluid.
We are at the mercy of the white coats.
Your small fingers searching mine.
We belong.
My fingertips sensing
your heart’s rhythm.
Too fast, too long.
Who is the Father that lets his child suffer?
I do not know him.
My faith stumbles.
Your former self dancing in my memory.
My grip will never loosen.
Your heart remains mine.

Wine drenched heart

Wine drenched heart.
Anesthetic for bruised shadows.
At dawn my fractured self
lets it be.
By dusk I bleed through.
At nightfall I patch me up again.
Wine drenched heart.
A temporary band-aid.

Intellectual love

Intellectual emotions
sprung from your brain.
My own heart’s rhythm,
beating with pain.
Mechanic love,
so far from your heart.
Resting in your arms,
we are always apart.


You kissed my lips
and asked
“may I?”
I said “yes”
and kissed you back.
You walked away
without asking
for permission.
I would not
have given it.


For every sip,
you’re one step
further away from me.
For every drink,
you’re one step
closer to the end of us.
For every empty bottle,
I am closer to goodbye.

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