Today it is one year since My Beloved Mormor (Grandmother) slept her way to the other side. Not a day has gone by when I don’t feel her in my heart. That is where she resides.
I started this blog last year when I was on my way home to Sweden to bury My Mormor. My heart was torn to pieces, and I needed an outlet for my tormented feelings. So this blog was born out of the necessity to grieve. To allow myself to fully mourn the loss of My Mormor meant to feel all the things that I felt, and to give myself all the time that I needed. That process is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to handle the loss of a loved one. I handled it the only way I know: to write.
To put words down eased my heartache, and hopefully someone else’s as well. Grief is universal and if I shared my struggle with loss, maybe others would feel less alone.
I don’t miss My Mormor more today than any other day. I just chose to honor the memory of her love more today. The loss of her can sometimes hit me at the most ordinary moment, like when I drink my morning tea and look at the cup I am holding in my hand. A cup with a yellow sunflower that she gave to me. It is in those kind of moments I mourn My Mormor the most, because we will never drink tea together again.
On the other hand, she gave me so many moments for a long time that my heart is full of love from her. Those loving memories cannot even death take away. So I treasure My Mormor more and more, while the pain is not as sharp. The longing and missing will always be there, so will our love. She was a true gift of love. That is what today is about.
Mormor said that her wish was to be cremated and have her ashes scattered in the wind, because the wind is everywhere.
As I stood there today, throwing red rose pedals up in the air for our love, I sensed the wind on my cheek, a kiss from My Mormor showing me love. It was My Mormor whispering that love is all around. The wind whispered in my ear: “I am here. Always”.
So I feel My Mormor with every little gust of wind, because the wind is everywhere.